Friday, June 29, 2012

Mummy Tummy and Other Unflattering Realities

You know what I'm talking about. And if you don't, consider yourself lucky. As a woman, you accept that your body will be different once you've had a baby: there's no point trying to deny the fact. Resistance is futile. Anyway, when - let's say - 8 months have gone by since you popped out your little bundle of joy, you think that you'll be pretty much back to normal? Umm...that's a sweet thought. Really, it is.

Despite having toned up a bit and taken my abs from the post-birth loose sack of potatoes stage into something that resembles normal muscle, there's still quite a bit of...well, let's call it "insulation" still keeping me wrapped up like a cocktail wiener in a crescent roll. I made the mistake of trying on a few of my old dresses for our anniversary dinner. Shall I list for you the problems with this plan?
1) inexplicable arm fat. When did my arms get fat!?
2) HUGE massive baby-feeding boobies. I'm telling you: big boobs are overrated.
3) The ignominious side boob/armpit fat. (which you don't notice when everything else is bigger, too!)
4) the Mummy Tummy.

Though the others are way more insidious and sneaky, the Mummy Tummy is the killer for me. This giant tyre of fat sneaks its way around your waist and refuses to budge. Now, I've never had brilliant abs, but I know there's good muscle hiding underneath of all my excess baby weight.

via: parenting starts here
Now, in the interest of full disclosure, I have been hitting the gym about 3-4 times a week ever since I was in a position to exercise again without risking injury (or feeling like my insides were going to wobble like Jell-o and fall out). That said, between walks with Ethan in his pushchair and my nightly gym sessions (and the occasional Zumba class), the weight hasn't really been shifting. My thoughts on the culprit? Well, aside from blaming genetics - which is always a good first port of call - I think it's the devious advice to eat more "because you're breastfeeding."

Oh yeah, people: when you decide to grow a tiny human in your uterus, people find every opportunity to tell you that you're entitled to the extra calories. You need to grow the baby; you need to keep up your energy; you need to breastfeed. It seems to me, right now, that I have plenty of extra calories just sitting around idly on my midriff just begging to be metabolised into tasty baby milk or the energy to go on a 3-mile run.

So my new plan? 4-5 days a week of gym time, longer walks with the pushchair, and keeping track of what I eat during the day. Not a real diet (I have an irrational distaste for the word), but just a few simple changes that I ought to make anyway:
1) drink more water. I'm probably thirsty more often than I'm hungry.
2) have smaller portion sizes. I can definitely be satisfied on less than I'm eating per meal.
3) eat healthy snacks. Stuff like apples and Greek style yoghurt and whatnot that are tasty, but not a waste of calories, like the fun-sized chocolate bars we habitually pair with our lunches.

After all, I don't have a StairMaster just a 5-minute run away anymore, and the Pit can't keep me stocked up on salad supplies without the worry that things will go off before I get the chance to eat them. Nonetheless, I'm getting back in shape. I intend to have a long time where I actually fit all the clothes in my wardrobe before I decide to incubate another tiny human. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a sleeping baby and another 30 minutes in which I can be a BAMF and go get my at-home strength training on.


  1. The "ignominious side-boob/armpit fat" is called a "quadraboob". Often seen on middle-aged woman or even younger overweight woman who insist they can still "rock" it in a strapless dress.

  2. Yes, but quadraboob can also be when your bra is too small and it bisects your boobs making an awkward muffin top where the cups stop.