Sunday, September 18, 2011

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

(Ah, the NATO phonetic alphabet...gotta love it.) So, I can get on the cross trainer for half an hour most days of the week and be fine, but a walk outside in the woods leaves me crippled for the rest of the evening? What's up with that!?

Seriously: I stood up a few hours ago with the intent to go wash my face. I managed to get to the point where I was standing up and my hips and groin and pelvis and everything hurt so much, I had to sit back down and ask the Husband to fetch me a bowl of hot water, wash-cloth, and face wash. I only just hobble-shuffled my way to the bathroom to brush my teeth (you know, since being temporarily crippled is no excuse to skim on personal hygiene) and the whole journey went step by slow and painful step. It was like I'd been kicked in the crotch and then had my legs violently wrenched from their sockets.

I've come to the conclusion that it's not about the intensity of the workout I'm getting. The walk in the woods today was pretty leisurely. It wasn't uncomfortable at the time. There was only one steep hill and the pace was gentle. Fair enough: there's more of an impact with walking than with spinning the wheel on the cross trainer where my feet never leave the peddles, but still. It's not like I was marching through the Russian winter with the French Imperial army or anything! I wasn't doing bone-rattling jumps over rough terrain in my best mama-kangaroo impression. And yet, my whole pelvic bone and joints just don't agree with any form of walking that lasts more than 30 minutes at a time. They ache and stiffen and twinge for hours afterwards. I look like I should be shuffling around leaning against a walker with tennis balls fitted to the bottom! I should be playing canasta with all the arthritic octogenarians who can now ambulate with greater facility and speed than me. It's pathetic.

When did the cruel gods of pregnancy decide that gut-busting sessions at the gym lifting weights would be okay for me to handle, but Sunday afternoon strolls in nature would leave me couch-bound for the rest of the day? This can't continue, people! I'm too heavy to pick up right now, so there can be none of this damsel-in-distress, bride-over-the-threshold sort of crap going on.

Dear Baby: please appreciate that while I'm glad my pregnancy hasn't been nearly as bad as it could be, I really don't need this. Mommy's pelvis is an important thing, and it needs to stay intact for many years to come. If you could work on not breaking it, that would be great. 'Kay, thanks.

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