Wednesday, July 7, 2010

The More Things Change...

Oh yeah, it's trite old adage time. "The more things change, the more they stay the same." A contradiction in terms worse than "military intelligence" or "Christian Science." And yet, I'm finding this contradiction in terms to be surprisingly accurate.

Being married doesn't feel different. *Getting* married may be a whole other kettle of fish, but *being* married. I still cook him dinner as I've done for the past 10 months (except on honeymoon where Sebastian did most of the cooking, to my delight). We still eat together, do the washing up, and watch a movie or read together. The only difference here is that we are now civilised enough to eat at our dining table rather than on the bed whilst watching a film. We've made it a rule to save the TV for firmly after dinner on all nights but Fridays. We get to go to bed together, which is new and wonderful and lovely and makes me in my selfish joy very pleased that we don't have to see each other off at the end of the night for a long and boring cycle ride or Tube journey. And yet, it's not unwieldy in its newness. It's just a natural continuation of our relationship from before. We were already doing the shopping together, going to the temple together, sitting in church together when Sebastian's duties assisting the Bishop didn't detain's all lovely but in a way that doesn't feel noticeably different from before.

In other news, however, we *did* get our new bed delivered just a few minutes ago. Our big fancy bed to go with our super swish new bedroom set which makes me indecently excited because it means that I now own my own *real* furniture. It's things like that that make me feel like a grown up in spite of my own cognitive dissonance and my professor very politely and sweetly saying to me yesterday, "Oh! You're quite young to get married, then!" (To be fair, she meant no offence by it, and we *did* spend 2/3 of my meeting with her, not discussing my dissertation topic proposal, but ogling my wedding photos. She's a woman after my own heart.)

It's always funny to me that things can feel both strange and normal at the same time. I keep expecting to have more difficulty adjusting to being home *and* being married. To being home without my family staying with us - which was the state of affairs when last I left our lovely flat in Farnborough. To remembering that this actually *is* my home, and not just a dorm or my parents' house, or a temporary place with friends. I remind myself of these facts, and some corner of my brain must say to myself, "of course. I should wonder about these things more, but I simply don't."

I think it's like when people would ask the ever popular question of a blushing bride-to-be: "Are you so excited!?" I'm getting married. I'm 23 and I'm getting married. In England. To the love of my life, who - incidentally - has become my very best friend...nah. I'm totally not excited. Clearly, I have no soul and am unphased by this entire process. Of course I'm excited! :-) But "excited" doesn't have to equate to: 1) telling everyone, incessantly, all the time, every single detail, 2) jumping up and down and squealing in a register fit to excite panic in the neighbourhood dogs, 3) grinning constantly from ear to ear like Blushing Bride Barbie (or her healthily tanned compatriot, Theresa), 4) Spending hours Googling dresses and flowers and pictures of other peoples' weddings, or 5) leaving sickening Facebook status updates like, "Going to pick out a wedding cake baker with my honey!" or "5 day 'til I marry the love of my life!" Excuse me. There's now some sick I must clean up. The point of that tirade is that I adapt to change quite well. I don't need a public freak-out moment to bring myself in-line with the reality that I'm married. The thing is, I'm self-analysing enough to wonder *why* I can be excited without losing my mind or appreciate the fun and newness of living with my husband while still feeling very at-ease with this suddenly new way of life.

So yes, trite as it undoubtedly is, I can agree: the more things change the more they stay the same. At least as far as marriage is concerned. I make no promises about my impressive ability to acclimate when I eventually start to expand like I could birth a baby elephant...or the Hindenburg. *That* one, I need some time to get used to the idea of before embarking upon. ;-)

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