Wednesday, November 18, 2009

For the love of the game...

Dear Neighbours (and everyone else honking a car horn or setting of fireworks);

I understand that you're enthused and generally overflowing with joviality and good feeling thanks to what, apparently, was a stupendous win for your home country's sports team today. Really, I'm glad you all seem to have found such a sense of community because of the outcome of this particular form of entertainment - the chanting and the dancing in the streets were, I'm sure, quite the good time; unparalleled in your everyday lives.

However; some of us are trying to watch tv, or spend a quiet evening in together, or - Heaven forfend - study. This time of night usually affords a phenomenon that seems quite alien to you at this point in time: it's called peace and quiet. Now, far be it for me to be the Scrooge-like voice of reason that vehemently urges you all back into your automobiles so that traffic for the rest of the city may continue in its usual fashion. It's the last thing from my mind to suggest waspishly that this is, in fact, a main thoroughfare for cars and bikes and buses, not a car park. I wouldn't even dream of scowling in frustration and annoyance to tell you that putting all your weight into the car horn for 35 seconds at a time really isn't the best method to show support and exuberance at your team's victory.

All of that said, I do have to say that nothing could please me more than if you would kindly, get in your cars, shut up, and go home. I feel obliged to let you all know that it's incredibly difficult to think - and I'm sure to sleep or carry on a normal conversation - when one is deafened by the cacophony of dozens of car horns in concert with the machine-gun-like sounds of multiple fireworks being let off in rapid succession. If the finale to the 1812 overture was meant to be played on Citroens and Fiats rather than trumpets and violins, I'd be chuffed to bits at your unholy racket just outside my window. As this is not the case, I would appreciate your immediate removal.

Sincerely, and with fondest wishes,
your friendly neighbour


  1. For the record; yes, I know I'm a grouch. I just can't bring myself to care that much about sports. Not the Super Bowl, not the 6 Nations, not the World Cup.

  2. If I'd been listening to that racket in the middle of the night I'd have complained, too. I had big plans to tranq-dart the yappy little dog that lived across the street until they moved (sorry animal lovers).